Conquering Fear-Based Expectations
Redefining Success on Your Terms
Fear is an important emotion. It can keep us safe by activating the body's flight-or-fight response, help us learn from our past experiences, support us in responding to risks appropriately, and may prevent impulsive and reckless behaviors. In a group setting, collective fear may unite people and support social bonding. Fear is a very normal emotion, but it can also be debilitating when used as a motivator for achieving personal and professional goals.
When thinking about your goals and aspirations, ask yourself: "How much of my expectations of myself are rooted in fear?" Here are some examples:
You're comparing yourself to everyone else's strongest attributes and placing unrealistic expectations on yourself out of fear of not being good enough.
Your ambition and drive may be influenced by a fear of falling behind or becoming irrelevant.
Your performance is based on dissipating the guilt you will feel from not meeting the expectations of others.
While experiencing fear (Level 1 energy for those who have taken the ELI) can motivate us in the short term, it is not sustainable and damaging to base one's self-evaluations on fear in the long term. Think of the flight or fight example mentioned. What do you feel like after you have this response? Disoriented? Drained? Adrenaline works great in the short term and is used to get us through stressful situations quickly, but long-term fear will lead us to be emotionally and spiritually worn thin.
If your expectations are rooted in fear, here are a couple of ideas to ensure they are influenced by positive and sustainable sources instead:
Understand your values and attach your expectations of yourself to them. Examples may be integrity, service, accountability, and adaptability.
Appreciate that we all have different strengths and abilities – don't compare yourself to others when creating goals and aspirations.
Fully accept yourself for where you are. This sets the foundation so you can focus on the journey forward instead of dwelling on the past.
Appreciate the journey to what you aspire for yourself. We are always learning, growing, and shifting - if you seek perfection, seek it here, not at the destination.
If your expectations for yourself come from fear, you'll feel stressed and limited. But if your expectations come from positive sources, you'll have more lasting motivation and be able to commit to your goals entirely.
Life is too meaningful to let fear-based expectations control how you set your goals. Choose to base your expectations on being kind to yourself and caring about what truly matters to you. You'll be amazed at how much more meaning, energy, and happiness you'll experience, and your goals and aspirations will be achieved more effectively.
As always, reach out if you would like to chat more!
